Wednesday, March 3, 2010


When I am pregnant I tend to get anxiety attacks. Sure, they come time to time when not pregnant but they come a lot more while pregnant. I guess the extra stress or rush of emotions, the changes my body are going through. Who knows exactly, but I try to deal with it. Yesterday was a particularly bad day for me and anxiety.

The day started out pretty crazy being woken by a puking 1 year old at 3am. David woke up and took over since the sight of her puking and heaving was putting me on the verge of losing my own stomach. We stayed up an hour with her and kept her in bed with us. Those of you who have kids know how difficult it is to sleep with wiggly toddler in your bed. Needless to say we didn't get much sleep, a nap was on the agenda for sure.

Nap time rolled around, Peyton went down in her crib, and Baylee fell asleep in my bed. What a shock since Baylee usually doesn't nap (stubborn at 3!). Well, as tired as I was I just couldn't fall asleep right away so I turned on the tv. Nothing was keeping my interest then I turned it to A Baby Story. I watched this show a few times mostly when pregnant with my own. Well this episode was about a woman having her second child, but first ever c-section. She had a huge anxiety/ panic attack once they gave her the spinal block. I have never had a c-section before and seeing her freak out like that was really making me uneasy. I don't know what is going to happen, I'm nervous and I don't want anything to go wrong.

Anxiety was setting in. Big time. Watching the show I was bawling my eyes out, scared of what is going to happen with my own c-section when it comes times to have these triplets. What if the spinal block hurts me? What if something goes wrong? What if I am not properly numb for the surgery and can feel them cutting into me? Every possible "what if" came to mind then and I couldn't stop freaking out, couldn't find a single way to relax. I picked up the phone to text David to which he told me to stop watching shows like that. Gee thanks honey. But then when I fully expressed my anxiety he understood, comforted me and talked me back into a place of calm only he can take me. He offered to come home if I needed him, but I declined and told him I would attempt to take that much needed nap instead.

I don't really know how to deal with the anxiety attacks when they strike, other than rely on David to bring me back to sanity. This one really upset me though and I still don't know whats to come of this c-section. Please keep me (and my sanity) in your thoughts to get through this. I know the babies will do great, I want to be coherent enough to see them when they are delivered though.